Personal boundaries: what are we protecting?

In today’s society, personal boundaries play an important role in maintaining healthy relationships and mental well-being.

I still often see people allow their boundaries to be violated. Then they feel bad about themselves, blaming themselves for not acting or others for taking advantage of it.

How to determine your personal boundaries, why is this necessary and how to protect your boundaries?

What are personal borders

Personal boundaries are invisible but extremely important lines that separate our space, physical and emotional, from the outside world. They act as protectors of our inner “self” and determine what influences are acceptable and what are not.

Often, when we try to protect our space and express our needs, we are accused of being selfish. It is important to understand that respecting personal boundaries is not an expression of selfishness, but of caring for oneself. It is a desire for healthy interactions, where everyone has the right to their own space and individuality. Defending your boundaries is not an act of selfishness, which they try to accuse us of, thus manipulating our thinking and behavior.

How to define your personal boundaries in different cases

Defining your personal boundaries is a key moment in self-care. It requires awareness and understanding of your own needs. As soon as you can clearly record the violation of your boundaries, you will always be able to respond to it adequately. It is easier to do this at the moment of violation than after some time, when the violator has trampled on your feelings and sensations enough. Below are practical tips that will help you better understand and define your boundaries:

• Physical Boundaries. Determine what forms of physical contact are acceptable and what are not. Be prepared to express your preferences regarding touch and intimacy. This is the basics, violating physical boundaries will give the violator power over all other boundaries and it will be very difficult for you to build normal relationships.
• Emotional Boundaries. Determine your emotional needs and be prepared to express your feelings. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries in conversations and express your opinions. This applies to uncomfortable questions, unsolicited advice, manipulation, etc.
• Social Boundaries. Think about the time you are willing to devote to social interactions. Don’t be afraid to open a dialogue about your personal space and time. Everyone deserves time for their own affairs, private space, etc.

20 examples of personal boundary violations

When personal boundaries are violated, it can affect our physical and emotional well-being. It’s time to look at common examples of personal boundary violations:

1. Intrusive questions about personal life: uncontrollable interest in other people’s affairs.
2. Breaking promises: breaking trust by not adhering to agreements.
3. Imposing advice: pressuring someone to follow your opinion without taking into account the other person’s requests.
4. Physical contact without consent: for example, hugging or kissing without prior consent.
5. Failure to respect personal boundaries online: disclosing someone else’s personal information without permission.
6. Constant requests for help: disrespect for personal time and resources.
7. Criticism without invitation: judging appearance, decisions, or behavior.
8. Violating space in social groups: for example, discussing private life without consent.
9. Ignoring expressed feelings: disrespect for emotional boundaries and experiences.
10. Imposing your own rules in relationships: making unilateral decisions without discussion.
11. Insufficient respect for privacy in public places: for example, looking at private messages on public transport.
12. Excessive physical proximity: e.g., invading personal space in a crowded elevator.
13. Imposing one’s views: promoting one’s own beliefs without regard for the views of others.
14. Disrespect for time: constantly being late or making uninvited visits.
15. Using personal things without permission: lending things to the owner without informing the owner.
16. Lack of respect for cultural or religious boundaries: hurting feelings due to intolerance of differences.
17. Misunderstanding boundaries in the professional sphere: e.g., intrusive questions about personal aspects of one’s career.
18. Intrusive offers: e.g., forcing participation in events or activities without regard for one’s wishes or schedule, without providing the opportunity for free choice.
19. Judging by appearance: judging a person solely on their appearance.
20. Imposing one’s lifestyle: forcing one to accept one’s own lifestyle.

How to protect your personal boundaries

Protecting personal boundaries is a process that requires attention and persistence. Once you have defined them, the most important thing comes – their protection. Do not confuse protection with attack: imposing your point of view is already an attack on someone else’s personal boundaries. So be careful. Several methods for defending personal boundaries:

• Communication in relationships. Be open in discussing your boundaries with partners and loved ones. This will help create mutual understanding. Say that you feel uncomfortable in certain matters, in the absence of personal time, and so on.
• Self-defense techniques. Learn methods of how to cope with stress and difficult situations to maintain your condition – this will help you stay within the framework of adequate decisions.
  Article – “Stress coaching or how to find your balance”
• Decisiveness in relationships. Learn, finally, to say “no” in situations that go beyond your boundaries. If a person does not accept your refusal, this is the beginning of manipulation of your opinion and decision. Be prepared, if a person is still intrusive, then it is unlikely that he respects your opinion, is it worth continuing to communicate with him?
• Seek support. If it is difficult to cope on your own – contact a person of a supporting profession. This will be an excellent solution. A coach (if you are psychologically normal) or a psychologist (if you need to work with emotions) can help you understand your triggers, your reaction to them, and make defending your boundaries a normal action that is easy for you to practice.

Maintain a balance between being open and protecting your personal boundaries, and you will ensure healthy relationships with others. Your well-being is important, and respecting your boundaries is the first step to a quality life.